A couple has willingly giving us permission to share their story so that others can realize there is hope in the midst of a difficult situation. All client experiences with Advice & Aid Pregnancy Centers are kept with the highest confidence. The stories that are shared come from the real-life experiences that our clients, staff and volunteers had during their unplanned pregnancy.
Their names have been removed but their story is true.
A change in plans
My wife and I found out we were pregnant at the wrong time. I was going through my Junior year in engineering school. I had been making all the right decisions and everything in my life seemed under my control. Or so I thought.
I had grown up in a very stable household, with two loving parents, five brothers and four sisters. We went to church every week and ate every meal together after praying. My wife’s background was good but not as ideal. Her parents were divorced and both remarried. She had only one sister and one half-brother.
I really enjoyed being around the girl who would become my wife and I wasn’t as concerned about her past as I was confident in our future. A year after we met, I asked her to marry me and she agreed. About two months later, she thought she might be pregnant. We went to a pregnancy clinic since they had free pregnancy tests. The test turned out to be positive. We could not believe it, so we ran a second test and it was positive again.
Our plan had been to graduate, get married and then have children. A pregnancy now was not in the plan. We decided to move the wedding up to the upcoming May and we began wedding preparation. At this time in her life, my wife felt things were spinning out of control. Prior to this pregnancy, I felt things were very much under control, but this was a huge blow to that thought. I was so naive to think everything in my life would go just as I planned.
A very negative response
We announced our news to our parents very quickly. Two of my brothers had been in the same situation and had decided not to tell mom and dad until eventually they found out from someone else. I didn’t want it to be that way. So, we told all of our parents. Really, none of them took it well but at least it was done and out in the open. Later our families were supportive and now it is like it was always part of the plan. After telling our families, I announced it to my entire fraternity during a chapter meeting. I didn’t want a bunch of gossip. My fraternity was very supportive.
My wife had decided not to tell her whole sorority but did tell a few. Really it wasn’t a secret since I had told my entire fraternity. She was called into the sorority’s “standards board.” They berated her and told her she was an embarrassment to the sorority. She was asked to leave the house and asked not to wear her sorority’s Greek letters. They didn’t want people to associate her situation with the sorority. So basically, her support system of a sorority abandoned her. Her closest friends in the sorority were supportive but this was only a few girls. I was outraged by this and called a meeting with the sorority president and adult advisor. This really did no good but at least they knew how I felt and it gave them something to think about.
My wife moved in with her Grandparents. They were great to her as they had been throughout her life. And they were great to me. Of course, Grandma was a great cook and I used any excuse to visit as I enjoyed their company, the wonderful cooking and eventually she would even do my laundry!
Pregnant and feeling very alone
We were married in May and a few days later, we moved to Michigan where I had a summer job. This was the first time my wife had been away from home for any significant time. My job was a 45-minute drive from where we lived. Then they gave me a great opportunity to work in a different department. But this made my drive 1 ½ hours, each way. I would leave in the morning at 5am and return about 4:30pm. This would leave my wife in a strange place, pregnant, and alone all day. This was very hard on her. God was working though, and it turned out she had second cousins living nearby. Fortunately, they contacted us. They were wonderful to us and especially my wife. They invited us to dinner and other activities. They took my wife to her doctor appointments and showed us much love. They didn’t even seem to mind when she threw up all over their car. This time was good for us to grow together and develop our own independence. If we had a disagreement, we had no choice but to work it out as our families were a ten-hour drive away.
After the summer was over, we moved back to Rolla, MO. I needed to finish my last semester in college, to graduate in December. My daughter was born in September. She was a wonderful baby, but we didn’t know what we were doing. Our lives changed drastically as all new parents find out. Luckily my wife’s grandparents lived close and were very helpful, teaching us how to care for a baby. I graduated, got an engineering job and our lives started. As an ironic turn of events, we later had fertility problems with our next two children.
That was over 20 years ago. Now my daughter is grown and married with one child, our GRANDSON! She graduated college with an engineering degree and her family is well on their way. Our decision to keep our daughter was hard but never in doubt. We did not seriously consider any other options but to keep her and raise her.
This pregnancy was not in our plan for our lives,
but sometimes the best things are that way.
Sometimes life throws us a curve-ball and may cause us to change our plans. Change can be scary and lonely but it doesn’t have to be – having someone walk beside you through the change can bring confidence, peace, and even joy!
That’s what we are here for. When life turns out different than you planned, we are here to provide comfort, stability, and a listening ear. We will walk with you through the unplanned and be by your side every step of the way.