Unplanned Pregnancy and Devastating Choice

The Unplanned; A Devastating Choice; Eventual Healing

I grew up in small communities in Iowa, going to church throughout the years and always believing in God.  As a teen I gave my life to the Lord. However, I did not live like it and gave in to many temptations.  In my early 20’s, I moved to Oklahoma City where I continued to basically live a party-type lifestyle with others my age. 

Then came the day that I found myself pregnant, not knowing who the father was, and panicked. 

For all the selfish reasons that are out there (embarrassment that I let it happen to me, there would be no father to help, cost of raising a child alone, total life adjustment having a child), I just didn’t want to handle having a baby on my own.  Combine those thoughts with the fact that I had a co-worker that had had multiple abortions and acted like it was no big deal. This decision was immediately something I turned to in order to not have to face going thru with the pregnancy on my own. Once over, I could then return to my life. 

Little did I know at the time, that this decision would affect me my entire life. 

I truly feel if I had had a place to go to that showed me God’s love, a sonogram of my baby, and assistance that was available to help me through having a baby on my own (like what is offered at Advice and Aid), I would have changed my mind and would now have a daughter here on earth.  But instead, the clinic I went to did none of that and I went thru with the abortion.  Afterward I hardened my heart and went back to living how I wanted, not realizing how much this decision was affecting me emotionally and spiritually.

Not too long after, through events that happened in my life, I rededicated my life to the Lord and started attending an awesome church where I found so much healing from the lifestyle I had been living.  I didn’t realize, however, that I truly hadn’t fully dealt with the pain of the abortion.  Years later, I became involved with Advice and Aid after hearing they had a program called Awakenings that included a post-abortive Bible study and needed leaders, I had led various women’s studies before and felt this was something I could do that would make a difference in the lives of women.  Before becoming a leader you need to attend one of the studies. I figured this would be fine since I had already processed everything and felt like I was OK with my past decision.

While going through that study with other ladies and God’s awesome healing power in our midst, I was able to grieve, ask forgiveness and heal both with God and my baby in ways I had no idea I still needed. 

Now as a leader, sharing my story with other ladies and encouraging them as they go thru the same steps of healing with God by their side, I’ve found it to be such an awesome journey and a true honor to be part of!  It is truly faith-building to hear again and again how God works in these women’s lives like only He can. He is truly in the midst of this awesome ministry, and I find that I continue to heal in various subtle ways. 

The reasons for infant loss recovery are as many and varied as the number of women who need this healing.

No matter what your past, no matter what your story, you can find with us acceptance . . . healing . . . hope for your future.

Don’t struggle alone. There is no judgment here, only love and a place to begin your journey toward peace.

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