In recent months, the topic of miscarriage has made the news as celebrity Chrissy Teigen and Duchess Meghan Markle shared with the public the pain of their losses. We grieve deeply with them as they deal with the emotional pain of lost pregnancy. We also applaud their willingness to share publicly their deeply personal and devastating news. As they allow us into their pain, it brings the once-hushed topic of miscarriage out into the open, allowing us to learn how to grieve and speak with those who have gone through this.
For those of you who have endured this unbearable loss, we grieve with you.
The following is a true story, shared with us so that others can have a glimpse into this pain-filled experience.
All my life I couldn’t wait to get married and to have children. I always knew I was going to have 4 kids: 2 boys and 2 girls. So, when I met my husband and he felt the same way, I couldn’t wait to start our family. Of course, our plan was, once we got married, had good jobs, a place to live, etc., then we would start building the rest of the family.
Well… things didn’t go as planned. Seven months or so into our marriage, we looked at the 2 lines of a pregnancy test and realized someone was going to join us in his/her own time. Wow! Pregnant? Really? I was still so young!! Yet, we were excited about a baby being part of our lives. It was super fun to tell our parents, though a little nerve-wracking at the same time (you know how that is!). They were happy for us.
Life continued as normal, except that I knew I was carrying a little baby in my womb. We were so happy. But then, one Tuesday morning while at work, I began to have some spotting. I had heard that some women experience spotting, so I tried to keep cool. My husband and I talked to some people, called the doctor and were told to just to take it easy.
By end of the week, things had turned worse. The bleeding got heavier and heavier, and then the pain began. It got so intense that we decided to go to the hospital. I honestly don’t know if it was ignorance or what, but I had no idea that a miscarriage could be so painful. I laid there in the Emergency Room, bleeding, hurting, and definitely having contractions. I can’t even remember if they gave me anything for the pain, but boy it hurt. My husband held my hand as I cried and cried; for I knew we were not going to hold our baby on this side of heaven. Every time we had visited the doctor, I had imagined our trip to the hospital to deliver our first born. But it didn’t happen the way I imagined.
Here I was at 12 weeks of pregnancy, delivering – but under very different circumstances. No one tells you how painful a miscarriage can be. The pain didn’t stop after the D & C, for a new kind of pain began – the pain in my heart. Everywhere I went, there was a pregnant woman. Then people who knew what had happened often said the wrong thing. Things like, “You’ll have another one,” or “You are still young; don’t cry.” I know they meant well, but it hurt. I had lost a child, my first child. I didn’t want another one, I wanted that one. Then my sister said something that helped my journey to healing. She said, “It’s ok to cry, you lost a child.” Finally, someone understood that I was in pain. Someone encouraged me to grieve.
A miscarriage is unbelievably, heart-breakingly difficult. You feel like you did something wrong, or there is something wrong with you. We need to be gentle with women and their partners when they experience a miscarriage. If you or someone you know has experienced a miscarriage, Advice & Aid Pregnancy Centers’ Awakenings Program may be for you. This program helps women who have experienced infant loss.
Call our office at 913-962-0200 and ask for Kelly.