This is the challenging reality that men must struggle with. You may not have intended for her to get pregnant, but now she is, and you do not know how to respond.
Think back to the first moment she told you. Maybe she sent you a short text message telling you the results of the pregnancy test. Maybe she met with you at a nearby park. As you heard or read the words, “I’m pregnant,” what feelings erupted from you?
Confusion? Disbelief? Frustration? Anxiety? Hope?
Your partner watched and waited for your response. Your heart beat rapidly as you spoke the words you’ve been trained to say:
“Well, whatever you want to do… I’ll support you.”
You relaxed your shoulders and let out the breath you did not even realize you were holding. Inwardly you thought, “Yeah, this is her decision to make. It’s her body. It’s her choice.” You watched as all the stress you were feeling and holding in poured out on your partner. It was as if you told her that it’s her job to drive the racecar going 100mph.
The problem with the “I’ll just support you” response is that you indirectly communicate that you “don’t care” about the upcoming decisions and therefore, do not care about this new child or the mother. In fact, not taking a stance, stating how you feel, or voicing your thoughts causes your partner to feel alone. She now must make a big decision on her own while her partner watches from the sidelines.
So, take a moment to ask yourself, “How do I feel about this pregnancy?”
At Advice and Aid, we have men on standby ready to talk you through all the options available to you and your partner. We want to acknowledge the large role you have to play in her decision.
In fact, you can step up and make the appointment right now for BOTH of you. She can get free testing so she knows how far along she is (this will determine the next decisions you both make). And you can talk to one of the men here to discuss your role in all of this.
Neither of you is doing this alone. We’re here to help.