When I was 15 years old I was in what I thought was a serious relationship. I became sexually active and soon found myself pregnant. That’s where my abortion story begins.
I told no one and attempted to deny reality. I was involved in high school sports which kept me in shape, making it easy for me to pretend I was not pregnant. My mother, however, began to notice changes in me. Eventually, she convinced me to make a doctor’s appointment. It was there we both learned that I was in my sixth month of pregnancy.
Reality hit hard that day.
It wasn’t long until I learned that my mother set up an appointment for a late term abortion procedure. She drove me to a clinic three hours from our home, telling the rest of the family we were going on vacation. It was no vacation. In fact that weekend was my worst nightmare; I could hardly believe I was living it.
When the day of the abortion came I thought that it was my best option. After all, my mother was making this decision with me in mind. I was taken to a room where I was shown on a monitor how my baby looked and what was happening during the abortion procedure. I did not pay attention. I just wanted it to be over. The physical pain of giving birth without any pain relief had me crying out while the doctor was telling me to be considerate of others and stop, otherwise he would not continue with the procedure. I sucked it up, and for that weekend I did not cry. I did not cry at all. Not when I had to give birth to a dead child. Not when I had to come home and tell everyone how wonderful my vacation was. This was never spoken about again.
Denial became a way of life.
My grades in school began to fail. I began to walk away from my friends, my sports, and my education. I was broken and crying inside, yet I was not sure why. After all, wasn’t this the best choice for a single teenager with an unplanned pregnancy? Isn’t your life supposed to just go on?
When I became pregnant again in my late twenties I wanted to have an abortion. I believed I was not fit to be someone’s mother. I believed abortion was the only way out of a pregnancy.
I became acquainted with the people at Advice & Aid. Here, they listened to my story, shared in my tears, and offered me unconditional support. They did not tell me what choice I HAD to make. They simply laid out my options for me, with a kindness and gentleness that I hadn’t felt in a long time.
How it ended
I’m not going to tell you the end of my story. It may be different than yours, and I don’t want you to focus on that. I am sharing my story to simply let you know that I found a place where, at last, I could begin to heal. I found a place that was not judgmental in any way, and that accepted me – and helped me begin to recover from feelings of guilt and inadequacy.
The fact is, no matter what stage you find yourself in – post-abortion, unplanned pregnancy, not sure what choice to make – you have a place where you can talk it all out.
You have a very knowledgeable, very supportive friend here.
If you have had an abortion – or are thinking about it – there may be emotions, pain and struggle that are hard to deal with on your own. That’s why we are here!
Every day, we talk to women in that very position. And they are finally given options, help . . . and the hope they need.
You can talk to us at any time. We are waiting for you.